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  • { MAMA LOVES MOONSHINE } A MOM AND BABY BLOG

    Mama Loves Moonshine is an honest, heartfelt, photo-centric blog devoted to all things motherhood, pregnancy & maternity, babies, toddlers, children, parenting and more... all accompanied by lots of photos. Julie is a new mother who has fallen in love with being a mom and already feels like it's going by so fast. Julie is married to Jesse, mother to Ramona Moon (aka Moonshine) and lives on an acre and a half in horse country between Boulder and Lyons, Colorado.

    Loving the journey (most of the time),

    Julie (Mama Moonshine)

    Read more about Mama Loves Moonshine...

Expired Film, Oats and Banana bread…

What happens when you start cleaning out the “junk drawer”?  You find expired film and end up making a bigger mess than you started with.  A couple weeks ago, stuck inside  during a blizzard, I let Ramona play with a canister of oats, a big spoon and a bowl of leftover banana bread batter.  She was entertained for about an hour and a half so I decided to take on the project of organizing, which of course led to finding 12 year old expired film and  these images.

I love the look of expired film.  I would never use it for clients as you really have no idea what you’ll get, but it’s a great thing to experiment with on a snow day.  So were the oats and batter.  Good times on a snow day.

Paul Shappirio - Love the grain. Nice work. I miss film sometimes!

Nadine - How cute are this pictures? Your child is absolutely adorable. Can’t wait to read more about you.

Nadine

Chris Humphreys - Hmmm…. Why can’t film just be like really good scotch? How awesome would it be if you could just buy aged film? Seriously, if you could just go over to Denver Pro Photo and head up the counter and ask for some 15 year old aged T-Max 100? 🙂

Love all these Julie… Just spent a few mins going through this blog and your main photo one and I can’t get over how much I love your work. 🙂

Keep on keepin’ on! 🙂

~chris

Jenny - Really enjoy all of your posts, but just finally had to leave a comment letting you know 🙂

Whimsy

Whimsy.  It’s word that I have not used in my daily diction nearly enough.  I’ve outgrown it, shrugged it off as childish, maybe even irresponsible.   In fact when I looked the word up today, this is the definition that came up: “A Capricious or fanciful idea”.  CAPRICIOUS?  It sounded so negative.  So I looked  up capricious and the synonyms of that word are: fickle, freakish, crotchety.  Wow.   When did “adults” turn Whimsy into such a  pessimistic notion?  I mean, what kid shouldn’t be a little fanciful and freakish?  And what’s wrong with impulsive, erratic behavior or doing things on a “Whim”?  Of course, all children should be a bit careless at times, but maybe us adults could benefit from a little Whimsy in our own lives…

You might say I was feeling very Un-Whimsical last Thursday when Moonshine kept grabbing my hand to take me outdoors.  It was cold, windy, and it would mean I would have to get both of us dressed in hats and boots and mittens.  It just seemed a little absurd and impractical. “Seriously, Moon.  It’s windy outside!”, I said trying to reason with her.  But she wouldn’t take “No” for an answer and there was a tantrum brewing, so I gave in.  But I didn’t even bundle her up, I just took her outside reluctantly and let her explore our terribly dirty back yard.  I cringed  as she dragged her little legs (and some of my favorite leggings) over the dirty flagstone,  held my breath when she picked up rocks and put them in her mouth, and almost had a coronary when she started digging through a filthy pile of leaves in the corner of our yard.  But I was honestly too exhausted to fight her and truth be told, I was bored stuck inside, myself.  So I let go of the rules, let go of the thought of another load of laundry, let go of dirty fingernails and fear of spider bites and just let Ramona explore.  I let her play and be a kid–erratic and irresponsible.

Then the reward…  About 3 minutes into playing in the leaves, Moon discovered that the wind would take them from her hands and scatter them across the sky in a harmonious show of rattle and dance.  She squealed, and giggled holding her hands up in the air and  and quickly learned to wait for the wind, then release,  and then celebrate.  It was beautiful.  Whimsical.  Perfect. I learned another lesson of letting go on Thursday.  I was reminded that these whimsical moments come so naturally to children as they study the world around them.  Everything is magical. Our children can teach us as much as we teach them.

From now on, I’m going to let my daughter teach me to pursue whimsy and magic in my own day to day life.  So that I might once again hold sacred the sight of leaves dancing in the wind, the sound of nature’s “chimes”, and the joy of getting dirty.

 

Mom - Our children teach us so much! I’m still learning….thanks for the lessons. xo

Heather - Julie! I absolutely LOVE this post. As adults and as a former elementary teacher, I was raised to believe that kids learn from adults. Now I can honestly say that as a mother who home schools, one of my greatest joys has been the mindset shift from teaching kids to letting the kids teach me. Somedays I honestly question who is learning more in life, me or them. I love to watch them ask a question on their own, research it on their own, have their lightbulb moment and then come and explain it all to me (most of the time I honestly have never had that same thought/question or couldn’t answer the question anyway!). I love to watch them learn because it makes me a constant learner and I CRAVE having realizations and having my own eyes constantly opened to the world through their eyes. I love the absolute purity and honesty that comes when kids take the reigns into their own hands because we TRUST them to figure things out on their own and we actually DESIRE for them to discover and explore. The sense of self confidence and accomplishment when they truly learn on their own is incomparable to what we can ever impose upon them. You are realizing this at such a young, impressionable age for little Moon and I think you are on the path of the most amazing parenting journey ever. Love you guys!

Letting Go of Me –

 

I keep sitting here typing a line, then deleting it.  Typing.  Deleting.  I mean, who am I to blog about the art of letting go?  My mind is so cluttered with things to do that making lists of “Things to do”  is on my list of things to do.  I have so many projects to tackle when Ramona is at Grandma’s house that I usually feel overwhelmed and end up drinking a glass of wine then taking a nap.  Naps and wine are good though. Really, really good.

I guess I’m still trying to figure out how to be a mother.  Every day is basically survival in my house.  Getting through one day without a tumble down the stairs is a triumph.  A play date when I actually have a diaper or a snack on the go when I need it is progress.  You see, I’m still spinning from the realization that I’m actually a mother at all.  I sometimes have this moment of clarity when I think, “Oh my gosh, Ramona is mine.  FOREVER.  I’ll be forever a mother.  Forever my life will be a second thought to hers.”.   And that’s sobering.

I’ve been a very ambitious person since I was young.  I started a real, thriving lollipop business when I was just 10 years old and was actually able to sell my sticky sweets to the Boulder Community Hospital and some boutiques around town.  Let me reiterate.  I WAS 10!!  I was a driven little entrepreneur.  And so I am today. But I’m 35 and so much more obsessed with success than I was as a budding tween.  But after eleven years into what was a thriving photography business, closing my storefront studio, blogging at about a 15% rate that I used to, and watching the wedding photography industry slowly cannibalize itself, I’m starting to cling to what WAS my life.  Did I have more blog followers 4 years ago than I do today?  Am I still ranking on Google in the top 10? Do all the wedding coordinators know my name?  And it looks as though in a few years nobody will be able to be a full time photographer with the rate of incoming amateurs and digital cameras/media/Facebook advertising, etc.    And what can I do about it??  I’m now changing diapers, reading Goodnight Moon 15 times a day, holding my daughter’s hand hour after hour as she pulls for it demanding, “Waaa?” (translation–walk in “Ramonaese”).  In the rare occasions  when I have an hour down, I have been trying to do post-production on a wedding while refreshing my Facebook news feed, thinking… “Wow, now THAT is good work.  What happened to mine? Do I need to take another workshop? Do I need to  change the way that I am processing my images?  Should I make the switch back to film (something I’ve actually done with my portraits simply to buy time).  How can I keep this wheel churning?”  Even after 11 years of being in this industry and enjoying a lot of success, I still feel like I can’t get enough affirmation about my work, my style, my whatever. How many “Likes” did my post get? How many blog comments? Did I get any Tweets? Ugh.  Who AM I????

So here I am today. I’m drinking the glass of wine but skipping the nap to process these thoughts as I repeat the mantra that I’m still everything I used to be, I’m just different.  I can’t shoot 40 weddings anymore, but I can shoot 20.  I can’t control the industry’s “dog eat dog” decline, but I can be thankful for the work I have and know that I’ve never been happier.  I can pull myself off Facebook and read a book of my choosing when I get a break.  I can work on the delicate balance of “work and life” and realize that while my identity has been so wrapped up in the popularity and success of my work in the past, that I need to LET GO and simply enjoy making images again.  And I can see all of this change as a gift because I’m realizing that for the first time in my life, success is measured not in how many Facebook likes or inquiries I have, but in watching my daughter squeal and dance in joy when she sees a chicken, or revel in the moment of singing her to sleep.  I’m remembering that shooting 40 weddings a year and blogging every day only led to debauchery and misery in the past and that  I hardly had time to even look at my work, let alone enjoy it.  I am seeing that letting go of control is growth and that trusting in God’s provision is far easier than promoting my work and losing integrity.  For my integrity today is based on the fact that I’m living the life that was chosen for me, not the one that I’m trying to choose.  Parenthood will teach you that!  My success lies not in getting featured in a blog but in understanding my daughter’s sloppy sign language.  I’m a Mama!  And whether I have it figured out or not, I know that I’m damn good at it when I can let go and be present.

So screw the lists of “Things to do”. I’d rather bask in the chaotic and fleeting moments of Ramona’s toddler-hood. I’d rather stress about a messy home than than worry about the time crunch from a wedding coordinator who wants my images for some blog.  I’d rather steal hard to get kisses from my daughter than refresh my browser to see if there is a new comment on my blog.  I want my Saturdays to be full of strolls at farmer’s markets or music festivals with Ramona in tow, rather than driving across the Front Range for 4 different shoots on a valuable weekend.   I am letting go of my need for approval and praise from my colleagues and focusing on giving my daughter the approval and affirmation that SHE needs.  I’m JUST LETTING GO.  I’m letting go and letting God.  If I’m in a double wide in a year, so be it.  I will have public parks to explore, bubbles to blow, kites to fly, songs to sing, laughter to savor, and many, many more kisses to steal.

Cynthia G - Yay! I see our “wine” the other night was cathartic for both of us. Could not agree with this more. As a wife, mom of 3, biz owner, blah blah blah, I can tell you that you’ll find that she needs you more and more as she grows. She needs you right now to survive, she’ll need you in a few more years to live and love. You can’t reap and sow at the same time – and with kids it’s a long growing season and short harvest. You being aware and present of yourself and your thoughts is all that you can ask for. May peace enter where it already resides – in your heart. Love you.

Johanne - I’m not a Mom, but I just love this blog. Probably because you are so honest, real and I love the way you think. Ramona is so lucky to you have you.

abby Jacobs - Wow, you nailed it. I have been feeling the same thing and wondering how other moms view success. It is hard to “let go” but also once you do, life is so much more enjoyable and the connections are so much deeper. We do what we can and it is quite a LOT. Your talent isn’t going anywhere, you have a lifetime of it. Thanks for so eloquently writing this! Big fan 🙂

Jamie Kelly - Julie, what a beautiful, inspiring post. We all have feelings about defining self worth and success. Thank you for the reminder to enjoy the present, let go, and be exactly where we are supposed to be.

Marilee - Hey Julie, I totally agree with you. I experienced very similar feelings a couple of years ago. I am now living in a double wide. Just kidding. Not totally, but still. I am so happy. There is nothing sweeter or more meaningful in life than sharing day to day life with my toddler and my baby. The time we spend together being silly, laughing, playing games, etc. It is priceless. Give me a call sometime. I would love to get together and meet Ramona!

Anne singleton - Ok three things. 1- you are eloquent in your words and Ramona is so lucky to have such an amazing mother. 2- you are the best photographer in the entire world and I am not just saying that- I have image after image of proof. And if the industry cannibalizes itself, myself and my family are so lucky to have made your archives. 3- I would like to have some of that wine and some of those naps with you. In that order, as soon as tomorrow. Love you.

Mom - Love, love, LOVE! You are an amazing mama to my first grandbaby! I have never been more proud of you! It has been one of the great blessings of my life — to see you become the mama that you are. I love you!

Julie - Hi Julie! We haven’t connected in so long and I happened to see this post on a friend’s facebook feed! So funny because I hate Facebook! But your words really struck a cord and I thought I would let you know. Liam is 3 and I have been struggling with these very same thoughts since he was born. Motherhood changes us, but our need to create and make an impact on the world stays the same. It can be really challenging at times. I actually just wrote about the same thing on my blog and was afraid to publish it. Your post inspired me. Thank you. You can check it out at http://julieafflerbaugh.typepad.com/julie_afflerbaugh_photogr/2013/03/being-an-artist-and-a-mom.html

I reference a blog post on The Little Brown Mushroom that I think you will enjoy.
I hope to connect with you again sometime soon!
Julie

March Playlist (for mama’s, not babies)

1.)Duadalogn:Sigur Ros

2.)A New Life: Jim James

3.)Recover:CHURCHES

4.)Forever: Haim

5.)You and I: Local Natives

6.)Second Song: TV on the Radio

7.)Stray: Wild Beasts

8.)Nothing Arrived: Villagers

9.)All Wash Out: Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros

10.)Yet again: Grizzly Bear

11.)Decisions: How to Dress Well

12.)Wosrhip: Radio Edit ft. Jose Gonzales

13.)Take me Away: Wild Belle

14.)Retrograde: James Blake

15.)Buffalo: Alt J featuring Mountain Men

16.)A Stutter: Olafur Arnalds

 

Love Music?  Be the first to leave a comment with your favorite tune of the week ,and I’ll send you a copy of this mix.  Because sometimes we just need a break from “If You’re Happy And You Know It”…

Heather - I love your Mama mix! You have always had spectacular taste in music Julie!

Heather - My favorite jam of the week was Florence and the Machine Never Let Me Go. love Florence!

Alison - It is amazing to me the truth and rawness you are able to put in both writing and in your images. I loved this post for so many reasons, and appreciate the honesty. And also love seeing that this whole balance thing is challenge we share. Thanks for the reminder about what’s important-if we can focus on that, it all makes more sense….